Many explanations have been adapted that attempt to shed light on the reasons why love dwindles and relationships fail. Perhaps both partners realize they don’t have much in common, arguments are rampant, sex is absent, there is consistent miscommunication or communication is lacking all together. While all these markers are warning signs and present obstacles to any relationship, they are not the primary reason that people no longer feel madly in love.
The principle factor that plays a role in this phenomenon is the fact that we are all in a state of flux. As humans, and much like any other organism on earth, our bodies are able to maintain homeostasis because on a microscopic level, our cells are constantly on the move, reshuffling and rearranging in minute anabolic and catabolic processes. We are inherently programmed to build up and break down material on a physiological level to maintain a specific balance. To expect that love will continuously grow without undergoing periods of dissolution goes against the natural human tide.
Relationships often break down quickly with the words: “I’m just not in love anymore.” However, to truly understand the meaning of love is to see that love is always present, though it may be on a path of ascent or descent. Love is not a standalone feeling, but an action that you take when you choose to love the person you are with on a daily basis. At the beginning of a relationship, ecstatic and exhilarating feelings about your partner can be likened to an uphill climb. We may hit a plateau at one point, but an eventual downhill climb is part of the whole trek and is no shock.
Real love is based on this constant movement and those in loving, committed relationships are able to navigate this concept without the fear that falling out of love is the ultimate deal breaker. Love has many nuances and qualities that are idiosyncratic to each individual. Understand your partner’s love language and make the effort to show up for them with love. To expect that another human being is responsible for providing a constant stream of affection can open up all forms of disappointment because nothing in life is constant. Love is a double-direction modulating process characterized by sharing, and it is magnified all the more by what you are able to give and not only receive.